Fan Fiction

Fatal Exception

Written by Andy Skuse

Posted on The Perils of Nene-chan with author's permission.
Originally posted in alt.fan.bgcrisis on the 9th of June 2000.
Note: Change the 2033's to 2040's and this would make a good 2040 fanfic as well :)

BIOS Version 103196192461926.9 (c) Award Bios 2033 087152081720341H-X
CPU Type: Intel Pentium MXMIIVXI Processor with MMWA (Multi-Media Weapons Array)
Memory: 200 Gigabytes Total - 199.9999 Gigabytes Used - 640K Free (We hope)
Hard Drive: Fujitsu .01ms Access 1 Million RPM ATA/999
Size: 2,400,000 BigaBytes
COM Ports: 3f8 2f8 4f8 5f8 6e8 7e8 9z8 Ou812
Parallel Ports: 378 EMP
DVD/CD/CD-R/CD-RW/RAM/ROM/WAM/BAM Drive: Sweet!

OS Loading...

Welcome to Windows 2033
(c) 2033 Microsoft Operating System Division
Now With Internet Explorer 29.6
(c) 2033 Microsoft Internet Division
Also With Microsoft Office 33.2
(c) 2033 Microsoft Office Division
Also With Turbo Solitaire 365.22 (Beta)
(c) 2033 Microsoft Solitaire Division
And Featuring Notepad 5620.22 Beta Now With a Spell-Checker! (Beta)
(c) 2033 Microsoft Notepad Division
(c) 2033 Microsoft Spell-Checker Division
Also now with Microsoft Beta 1.47 (Beta)
(c) 2033 Microsoft Beta Division

Also Featuring The Kick-Ass Weapons Selector 1.0 (Beta)
(c) 2033 M. Stingray & N. Romanova

Priss <donning her hardsuit><holds her helmet up and looks into it>: Um, Sylia what the hell is this?
Sylia: Oh that? That's your new HUD startup screen.
Priss <looks a little annoyed>: My what?
Sylia <points at a spot on the inside of Priss's visor>: See there? That's how much ram your suit has.
Priss <looks at Linna who just shrugs>: Ram? What the hell is ram? Is that a new weapon? Sounds cool. How do I turn it on?
Sylia: It's not a weapon. It's random access memory. It's telling you how much memory your suit has.
Priss: My suit has a memory? Hmm. Hey suit... what did I eat last night? <taps the helmet a few times but nothing happens> Shit. It's broken Sylia.
<Nene giggles>
Sylia: Not that kind of memory Priss. If you keep watching it will also tell you what size your hard drive is, what addresses your com ports are at...
Priss <glares at Nene for a moment>: But what does the ram do? Will it hit me or something?
Sylia: No! Good grief. It's memory for your hard suit's computer.
Priss: The suit has a computer? <starts looking at the suit suspiciously, then looks over at Nene>
Nene: Hey! What's that look for?
Priss <looks back at Sylia>: Sylia, I don't like this.
Sylia: What? Why not?
Priss: Because little miss Cyberspace is gonna hack me.
Nene: I will not!
Priss: Yes you will. I bet you already have.
Nene: Sylia!
Sylia: No one is hacking anyone all right? Settle down.
Priss: See? Look right here... <points to screen inside helmet> It says "Illegal Operation". I knew it. Nene hacked me.
Nene: I DID NOT!
Priss: You just did. It says so on the screen.
Sylia: Priss...
Linna: Mine's doing the same thing Sylia. Make Nene stop.
Nene: I didn't hack your suits! Those are error messages!
Priss: Why am I getting an error message when I am just putting the suit on then, hmm? Oh look, now it says, Fatal Exception. Getting tough now are ya? Oh now look! Explorer.exe error! Geez Nene, you shoulda named your hacking program something else! Even I'm smarter than that.
Nene: I'm not doing that! You probably need to format and reinstall your software!
Priss: <looks at her softsuit> I need to what?
Sylia: Priss...
Nene: Not your soft SUIT, your soft WARE!
Priss: I heard ya the first time. Quit yelling. Sylia I need another softsuit. Nene hacked me.
Nene: >_< GAH!
Sylia: PRISS...
Priss: Wha? Are ya gonna help me? I've been hacked here for chris'sakes!
Nene: YOU WEREN'T HACKED YOU MORON!...... O_O
<moment of tense silence>
Priss: What did you call me?
Sylia: Dammit...
Nene: I... I... didn't mean to... I...
Linna: Nene... you are so dead.
Priss: Oh yeah, there's gonna be a fatal exception alright!!!
<insert much brawling and yelling>
Sylia <sighs>: I hate hardsuit upgrades.